“Twenty Bucks”

Twenty Bucks…

There is an interesting phenomenon out there. It happens to many people every day, mostly men, but they really don’t understand it or are aware of it. Some are, but with most, it happens on a near unconscious level. It’s not malicious, it just happens.

What is this strange occurrence? “It was only $20 bucks.”

Um, wait, what?

Let me explain.

For the entire time I have been married to my wife, I have been buying and dragging stuff home. She is pretty used to it by now, and she tunes most of it out. I have been doing all the decorating in the home since we have been married, and I have gotten pretty good at hiding stuff in plain sight. I have to be, because I collect a lot of lot of stuff you see, and sooner or later, she notices something new. Her first comment is usually something like, “That’s cool.” Or “Where did you get that?” Her next question is nearly always, “What did you pay for that?”

Now I realize I am exposing some great hidden male truth here and am likely to catch some flak for it, but I thought it would be fun to write about. I will deal with and accept any repercussions if they happen. I suppose the female counterpart would be something like why women go to the bathroom in pairs. It is something that is usually not known or understood by the other sex.

The answer that most times leaves my mouth is “Twenty bucks”

This happens sometimes even if the object in question was less, but it’s usually more. Sometimes it’s much more. Most of the time, the reply is out of my mouth before I even realize it. Now, don’t get me wrong, my wife is an amazing partner and rarely denies me the opportunity to fulfill my object gathering. I have no reason to not tell her the true price of anything I drag home, but even saying that, everything was “twenty bucks”. I know she knows I am full of it and probably lying through my teeth on most occasions, but she loves me and lets it go.

Now this doesn’t always apply to things I purchase for myself. Many times, I will buy her something she has been trying to find for years, such as a music box that plays “Abendsegen” (she had one years ago in the kids’ room when they were infants). It took me nearly 5 years to find one, and when I did, she was so excited. It was great to see her wind it up and listen. Thankfully she didn’t ask how much, but the answer would have inevitably been “Twenty bucks.”

I have come to find over the years that I am not alone in this behavior. I have a couple of clients who buy fairly regularly from the store. When I offer them a receipt, the invariably leave it on the counter or tell me they don’t need a receipt. They tell me if their wife comes in to ask about what they paid for something, I am to tell their wife, “It was twenty bucks.”

Having done this for years and having lately discussed this phenomenon with my guy friends, we have discovered a flaw in this logic. That is, if something happens to us, and we shuffle off this mortal coil before our wives, they are going to sell off all our stuff for twenty bucks!

My friend told me this morning if anything happens to him, I am supposed to find out where he lives and talk to his wife before she sells everything. You can bet I will, I will offer to buy everything he’s got for twenty bucks!

 

Published Vintage Finds Magazine – Dec 2021/Jan 2021 Issue